Most love stories in books and movies are based on the first meeting, the initial spark, that first magical date, and the lust you feel for someone when meeting them for the first time. But I feel that's not really love. It’s an attraction. It’s a moment of lust. It’s how all love stories begin.
There are not many love stories based on what happens after. After they are married or after that first date. We are just supposed to assume they live happily ever after. But relationships and love are so much more than that!
Love is about commitment, respect, and open communication. Marriages that last 20 or more years are full of surprises, tragedies, and heartache. Together a couple will go through and see their fair share of heartache. They learn, adventure and grow with each other.
As a couple, you have to keep going back to that initial spark. Remember why you had that initial spark in the first place. For me, with my husband, I feel it was the ability to be able to talk about anything with him. I felt so comfortable telling him the things others thought were odd and he respected my views.
Til this day we still communicate like this. Even when we are afraid because we are mad or scared of judgment. Eventually, we always remember to talk to each other. Even though we have changed over the years we still love staying up late and talking.
Our favorite time to talk is in the car on road trips. Whatever pops into our heads we speak our minds. Sometimes it’s funny, other times it’s weird, most of the time it’s just about our lives together.
We certainly don’t agree on everything when we talk, but we respect each other during the conversation. Never calling each other names, using foul language or saying that we think the other person is stupid.
Too many times have I seen those three things happen in a conversation between couples. Too many times have those conversations ended badly and never get resolved. A recipe for relationship disaster!
Love is work! Just like your kids are a lot of work you still love them without hesitation. You’d do anything for them. This same level of commitment applies to love with your spouse. If you think it’s always going to be chemistry and lustful feelings than you have your head in the wrong space.
Love is about helping others grow. It’s support. If you’re hindering another person from achieving their peak you’re not loving them. It’s like the saying “if you love them let them go.” Let your partner go and let them be them and do what they need to feel freedom. Don’t hinder them with unrealistic expectations.
However, love is also setting boundaries. Boundaries that are respectful of the other person’s wishes. These boundaries have to be communicated openly. Are you going to be unfaithful? Are you going to leave when times are poor? Are you going to be there when they are sick? What kind of person are you going to be to support them?
And last, but certainly not least, love is a choice as least for our society anyway. You have the choice of how much you want to love someone and for how long. So choose love every time you fight, every time your spouse annoys you. Choose the love life you want and make it known because no one is a mind reader.
You’re so lucky to have the person you have. I always think about how hard it was to date. It was such a process and time-consuming. I know that I really don’t want to do it over again, even when I am not happy about something. I am lucky to have someone I can talk to you and will love me as much as I choose to love them.
So go out there and choose love! Choose to communicate openly and be truthful about who you are. Love the way you want to be loved and it will be reciprocated!